How to Get Custody of a Child?: Essential Strategies for Success
If you are facing a child custody case, the pressure is on. Your parental rights are on the line, and the stress of the situation can be overwhelming. In the end, however, there are strategies you can employ that can help you successfully navigate the legal path forward while protecting your legal rights. One of the most important steps in this process is consulting with an experienced Texas child custody attorney early on.
Understanding Child Custody in Texas
If you and your children’s other parent cannot negotiate mutually acceptable child custody terms, the court will need to hand down child custody orders, which generally include one of its standard parenting time schedules. Before getting too far into the matter of your child custody arrangements with your ex, however, it’s important to understand what’s involved.
Legal Custody
Legal custody determines decision-making authority as it relates to raising your children. The kinds of decisions involved include all the following:
- Decisions about where your children will make their primary home
- Decisions about your children’s healthcare needs
- Decisions about your children’s schooling and daycare
- Decisions about your children’s participation in travel and extracurricular activities
- Decisions about your children’s religious upbringing
You and your children’s other parent can make these decisions together, but one of you may be awarded the authority to break a tie if it becomes necessary to do so. Other options include one of you having sole legal custody or both of you dividing the decisions between yourselves according to category.
Physical Custody
Physical custody determines your parenting time schedule. Texas courts are legally bound to base every child custody determination on the best interests of the involved children, and this generally means maximizing the amount of parenting time that both parents receive – in accordance with the circumstances involved. This said, however, one parent may become the primary custodial parent, which means the children will spend the majority of their overnights with them.
If winning child custody for you – in other words – means having sole custody while your ex has little to no visitation, you should know that this is very unlikely to happen. Only if there is a compelling reason for the court to do so will it put these kinds of custody restraints on a parent.
Consider the Court’s Best Interest Factors
When it comes to obtaining favorable child custody terms, one of the most important strategies is considering the best interest factors that the court employs when making child custody determinations. When you position yourself favorably in relation to each of these factors that you possibly can, you increase your chances of walking away with child custody arrangements that work well for you. Factors to carefully consider include all the following:
- Each parent’s commitment to supporting the children’s ongoing relationship with the other parent
- Each parent’s commitment to co-parenting effectively
- Each parent’s ability to recognize each child’s needs, including any special needs, and to effectively address them
- Each parent’s level of involvement in caring for the children to date
- How well the children are doing in relation to the status quo, which includes their primary home, their schools, and their community – Texas courts are interested in upholding the status quo when it works well for the involved children
When you can demonstrate that you fit the bill in each of these categories, it can seriously bolster your ability to obtain favorable child custody terms.
Continue to Behave Responsibly throughout the Legal Process
The fact is that divorces involving children and child custody cases outside of marriage and divorce are exceptionally stressful, and keeping your cool throughout the process may be exceptionally difficult. When it comes to child custody, however, the court is paying attention to how well you and your children’s other parent are able to manage your own stress and emotions.
Being a responsible parent requires nerves of steel, and demonstrating that you’ve got what it takes to weather the storm can help the court recognize that you’re capable of putting your children’s best interests above your own. Acting responsibly in relation to your case does not mean rolling over or failing to adequately advocate for your rights, but it does mean keeping your cool and sticking to the facts of the case – rather than focusing on the emotional highs and lows.
Demonstrate that You Are Willing to Cooperate
One of the hallmarks of an effective co-parent is willingness to cooperate, and this is an excellent opportunity to demonstrate your level of willingness. By cooperating with the court and your ex, you send a strong signal that you are up to the parenting challenges that lie ahead. Even if your ex is making the situation as difficult as they possibly can and refuses to communicate with you directly, there are ways to highlight your commitment to cooperation, including:
- Finding a means of communication that works for you and your ex, which can include electronic messages such as texting, emailing, or sending messages through a co-parenting app
- Communicating effectively and efficiently through your respective child custody attorneys if your ex refuses to give an inch regarding communicating with one another
- Keeping your end of the communications civil – without purposefully pushing any of your ex’s buttons
- Documenting all communications between yourself and your ex, which can help if the matter comes down to your word against theirs
Don’t Neglect Your Duties as a Parent
This one may go without saying, but too many unsuspecting parents move out of the family home in an attempt to keep the peace while their child custody battles rage. In the end, this can inadvertently bolster your ex’s contention that the status quo is working well for the children and that you’ve neglected your duties as a parent.
This is a situation in which you should tread lightly. If the situation at home has become unbearable, it’s obviously not doing anyone any favors, and this includes your children. Your child custody attorney will help you strategize the best plan forward while your case is pending. This may include a motion that requires your children’s other parent to move out in the interim, which is likely to include a temporary parenting plan schedule that applies until your case is resolved.
Request an In-Home Evaluation
Child custody cases often boil down to one parent’s take on the matter vs. the other’s, and it is often difficult for the court to determine which version is most accurate. An in-home evaluation made by a court-appointed professional evaluator can afford you an early advantage. You’ve done the work and continue to put in the time, care, and love that your children need to live happy and healthy lives, and the evaluator will witness this up front when they get a bird’s eye view of your home in action.
By requesting the in-home evaluation proactively, it elevates your position. You let the court not only know that you aren’t against an in-home evaluation but that you also welcome one. Additionally, you keep the scheduling on your terms, which helps to ensure that you will be well prepared to welcome the court’s evaluator into your home and family life when the time comes.
Take Pains to Protect Your Children Throughout the Custody Case
The truth is that divorce is hard on children. In fact, they can internalize the pain and often blame themselves for the upset and confusion that follows. It’s your job to assure your children that they are in no way to blame and to keep them out of the proverbial middle.
The court recognizes the signs that indicate a parent is using their children as tools in a child custody case, and these are things you want to avoid at all costs – because it’s what’s right for your children and it’s the best policy in terms of your eventual child custody orders. Examples of things you should never do include all the following:
- Don’t communicate with your children’s other parent through your children. Even if your soon-to-be ex has blocked you on every conceivable form of communication, get the message across through your respective child custody attorneys.
- Don’t bad mouth your children’s other parent in front of them. This practice causes your children to experience pain that you do not want to inflict.
- Don’t deny your ex’s right to spend time with the children. Even if you don’t have temporary court orders regarding visitation, denying your children access to their other parent hurts them and your child custody case.
- Don’t share the painful aspects of your child custody case with your children. They don’t have the maturity to understand, and as a parent, you’re called upon to support them – not to lean on them for your own support.
Finally, don’t wait until your child custody case is resolved to have fun with your children. They are tuned in to your emotions and feelings, and if all they see is stress and frustration, it can leave them just as stressed and frustrated. Taking the time to honor your family traditions and simply have fun together can go a long way toward bolstering your children’s well-being and sense of security in the midst of a difficult situation. Further, the court is very likely to take notice.
Don’t Vent Irresponsibly
While we’ve already covered the matter of not venting in front of your children, it’s also important to consider venting generally. Ultimately, there are appropriate and inappropriate times for doing so. For example, sharing your private feelings with trusted family members and loyal friends is a great way to express your concerns, and it may help you get some problem-solving done. Sharing your experiences and difficult emotions with a counselor or trusted clergy member is another prime example of an appropriate mechanism for venting.
Venting that is out of hand and is likely to negatively affect your case includes examples like the following:
- Leaving hostile voicemails on your soon-to-be ex’s phone
- Texting your soon-to-be ex long, hateful messages
- Discussing your hostilities with your soon-to-be ex’s family members or friends
- Posting ugly comments about your soon-to-be ex on social media
Each of these – and other forms of venting like them – can come back to haunt your case.
Step away from Social Media
Social media seems tailor-made for divorce because it provides us with a platform to explore our deepest, darkest feelings with many people – some of whom may have been where we are and may encourage us to share more. Regardless of how tightly you lock down your privacy settings, once you post something on social media, you should expect it to live forever. In fact, a simple screenshot is all it takes.
The truth is that while social media may be very inviting at this juncture, the best policy is to take a social media break. Even if you choose to only post about matters that have nothing to do with your child custody case, you should expect your soon-to-be ex and their attorney to be trolling your accounts for any comments, pictures, or statements that they can twist to their own meanings. You owe it to yourself and your case to take a social media break until the matter is resolved.
Turn to an Experienced Texas Child Custody Attorney for the Help You Need Today
The single most effective strategy for obtaining child custody arrangements that serve you and your children’s best interests is reaching out for the skilled legal guidance of a formidable Texas child custody attorney as early in the process as possible. While you might not believe you need a lawyer, having one can make the process – and future – immensely easier.
The compassionate child custody attorneys at Mims Ballew Hollingsworth – proudly serving both Fort Worth and Southlake – recognize how important your child custody terms are to you, and we’re committed to employing the full force of our legal insight and experience on your behalf. For more information about what we can do to help, please don’t wait to contact us online or call us at 817-952-6723 today.
Constance Mims
Constance Mims has over fifteen years of experience practicing exclusively family law. Mrs. Mims is Board Certified in Family Law, by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization. She is Collaborative Law certified and is a shrewd negotiator, not to mention her experience in the most challenging child custody, child support, spousal maintenance, alimony, prenuptial agreements, and divorce issues, both in court and in the appellate arena.
